Ask Soniya

  Micro-Habits Over Extreme Routines: Small Steps Still Count Have you ever watched someone’s “perfect morning routine” and felt tired before the video even ended? Wake up at 5 a.m. Drink warm lemon water. Meditate for thirty minutes. Exercise for an hour. Take a cold shower. Read twenty pages. Prepare a healthy breakfast. Write in a gratitude journal. All this before the rest of the family wakes up! Such routines may work beautifully for some people. But for many of us—especially women already balancing children, work, household responsibilities and everyone else’s needs—they can become one more standard we feel guilty for not meeting. We are not always lacking discipline. Sometimes, we are simply exhausted. When Self-Improvement Becomes Another Pressure We begin a new routine with excitement. We buy a planner, download an app and promise ourselves that this time we will remain consistent. For two or three days, we follow everything perfectly. Then real life happens. A child falls...

I Matter Too Before you read this, I would request you to read my previous blog on generational trauma: Can We Unlearn What We Learnt from Our Mothers and Grandmothers? This post is not a separate conversation. It is the voice that rises after we finally recognise what generations of women have been silently carrying. We girls are introduced to forgetting ourselves so early that, after a while, it no longer feels like sacrifice. It feels normal. We watch the women before us eat after everyone else, rest after everyone else and think about themselves only after every other need in the house has been fulfilled. We learn to adjust before we even understand what adjustment means. We learn to lower our voices, swallow our disappointment and smile at decisions in which nobody thought it necessary to include us. And slowly, quietly, we become women who take a back seat in our own lives. The Invisible Training Begins Early A girl is often praised for being obedient, accommodating and mature b...

  A Letter From the Woman Who Never Gets to Say, “I’m Tired” Dear All, I don't know exactly when it happened. When I became the person who remembers everything. The school timings. The doctor's appointment. The grocery list. The birthday. The bill that needs to be paid. The shirt that needs ironing tomorrow. The food someone doesn't like. The food someone suddenly wants. The message that needs replying. The relative who needs checking on. The thing my husband mentioned three days ago and has probably already forgotten. Somehow, I remember. I always remember. And somehow, everyone knows that I will. My day starts before everyone else's The house is quiet when I wake up. For a few minutes, nobody needs anything from me. Then my mind starts. Breakfast. Lunch. School. Uniforms. Bags. Water bottles. Who has homework? Who has an activity today? What needs to be bought? What needs to be cleaned? What did I forget yesterday? And before my feet e...

Overthinking: What If Your Mind Is Trying to Protect You? What if the thing you're overthinking about never happens? And what if it does? And what if it happens differently? And what if you should have said something else? And what if you made the wrong decision? And what if…? Welcome to the exhausting world of overthinking . Sometimes one small thought becomes a whole movie in your head. You create conversations that haven't happened. You prepare for problems that may never come. You replay conversations that are already over. You imagine the worst-case scenario and then emotionally experience it as though it has already happened. But here's the question: What is all this thinking actually changing? The Worst-Case Scenario Trap Imagine you send someone a message. They don't reply. At first, it's just a message without a reply. Then your mind starts: Maybe they're upset with me. Did I say something wrong? Maybe they don't want to talk t...

  Why “I’m Fine” Can Become a Habit Sometimes “I’m fine” isn’t an answer. It’s a habit we learn to use when we don’t know what else to say. “How are you?” “I’m fine.” It’s one of the most automatic conversations we have. We say it when we’re tired. We say it when we’re overwhelmed. We say it when something is bothering us but we don’t have the words to explain it. And sometimes, we say it because we simply don’t want to be asked another question. There is nothing wrong with saying “I’m fine.” Sometimes you genuinely are. But when “I’m fine” becomes your automatic response even when you aren't feeling okay , it may be worth pausing and asking yourself why. When “I’m fine” becomes your emotional shield For many people, hiding difficult emotions can become a learned response. Maybe you grew up believing you had to be strong. Maybe you didn't want to worry your family. Maybe you felt that your problems weren't “big enough” to deserve attention. Maybe every time ...

Recognizing everyday overwhelm before it becomes harder to manage Sometimes the signs you need a break are not dramatic. You are still going to work. Still making dinner. Still replying to messages. Still taking care of everyone. From the outside, everything may look completely normal. But inside, something feels different. You are more irritated than usual. Small decisions feel exhausting. Noise bothers you. You keep forgetting simple things. You finally get a little free time, but you are too mentally tired to enjoy it. This is how emotional overwhelm often begins. Not with a breakdown. With quiet signs we dismiss because we are still functioning. And sometimes, noticing those signs early is what prevents everyday stress from becoming something much harder to carry. The Quiet Signs That You Need a Pause Recognizing everyday overwhelm before it becomes harder to manage Sometimes, you don’t need a holiday. You don’t need to disappear for a week, switch off your phone, or completely reo...