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I Matter Too Before you read this, I would request you to read my previous blog on generational trauma: Can We Unlearn What We Learnt from Our Mothers and Grandmothers? This post is not a separate conversation. It is the voice that rises after we finally recognise what generations of women have been silently carrying. We girls are introduced to forgetting ourselves so early that, after a while, it no longer feels like sacrifice. It feels normal. We watch the women before us eat after everyone else, rest after everyone else and think about themselves only after every other need in the house has been fulfilled. We learn to adjust before we even understand what adjustment means. We learn to lower our voices, swallow our disappointment and smile at decisions in which nobody thought it necessary to include us. And slowly, quietly, we become women who take a back seat in our own lives. The Invisible Training Begins Early A girl is often praised for being obedient, accommodating and mature b...

  Can We Unlearn What We Learned From Our Mothers and Grandmothers? “Don’t answer back.” “Learn to adjust.” “Keep the family together.” “Good women don’t complain.” “Think about what people will say.” Most women have heard some version of these sentences while growing up. Sometimes they were spoken gently. Sometimes they came as warnings. And sometimes no one needed to say them at all—we learned them simply by watching the women around us. We watched our mothers eat after everyone else had finished. We watched our grandmothers forgive without receiving an apology. We watched women hide their exhaustion, silence their anger and continue serving people who rarely stopped to ask, “But how are you?” Slowly, sacrifice became our definition of love. Silence became our definition of strength. And abandoning ourselves became our definition of being a “good woman.” But can we unlearn what we learned from our mothers and grandmothers? I believe we can. The harder question is: Are we ready to...

  A Letter From the Woman Who Never Gets to Say, “I’m Tired” Dear All, I don't know exactly when it happened. When I became the person who remembers everything. The school timings. The doctor's appointment. The grocery list. The birthday. The bill that needs to be paid. The shirt that needs ironing tomorrow. The food someone doesn't like. The food someone suddenly wants. The message that needs replying. The relative who needs checking on. The thing my husband mentioned three days ago and has probably already forgotten. Somehow, I remember. I always remember. And somehow, everyone knows that I will. My day starts before everyone else's The house is quiet when I wake up. For a few minutes, nobody needs anything from me. Then my mind starts. Breakfast. Lunch. School. Uniforms. Bags. Water bottles. Who has homework? Who has an activity today? What needs to be bought? What needs to be cleaned? What did I forget yesterday? And before my feet e...

  The People Who Are Always Strong Need Someone Too “You are so strong.” Sometimes those four words feel like a compliment. Sometimes they feel like a burden. And sometimes, when you've heard them too many times, they are the last thing you want someone to say. Because being called strong can quietly become a role. The person everyone calls when something needs to be done. The person who will figure it out. The person who will drive someone somewhere. The person who will help. The person who will lend a hand. The person who will stay calm when everyone else is falling apart. The person who is expected to somehow manage it all. The person who is always the punch bag. The person who listens to all the sh*t without complaining. The person who always pays the bill. And because they have always managed it before, people start assuming they always will. The “strong person” bubble There are people who seem to be everyone's emergency contact. Family needs something? Ca...

Overthinking: What If Your Mind Is Trying to Protect You? What if the thing you're overthinking about never happens? And what if it does? And what if it happens differently? And what if you should have said something else? And what if you made the wrong decision? And what if…? Welcome to the exhausting world of overthinking . Sometimes one small thought becomes a whole movie in your head. You create conversations that haven't happened. You prepare for problems that may never come. You replay conversations that are already over. You imagine the worst-case scenario and then emotionally experience it as though it has already happened. But here's the question: What is all this thinking actually changing? The Worst-Case Scenario Trap Imagine you send someone a message. They don't reply. At first, it's just a message without a reply. Then your mind starts: Maybe they're upset with me. Did I say something wrong? Maybe they don't want to talk t...

  Be Around People You Don’t Regret Being Yourself Around Your people are the ones who make you feel more like yourself—not less. There is something incredibly freeing about being around people who don't make you question who you are. You don't have to rehearse what you're going to say. You don't have to change your personality to fit in. You don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not. You don't constantly wonder whether they are judging you. You can simply be yourself . And that feeling is priceless. Your people won't make you feel bad about yourself Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone. Do you leave feeling lighter, encouraged, and confident? Or do you leave questioning yourself? The right people don't make you feel bad about yourself just to make themselves feel better. They don't constantly criticize you, embarrass you, or make you feel like you're never enough. They can tell you the tru...