I Matter Too

Before you read this, I would request you to read my previous blog on generational trauma: Can We Unlearn What We Learnt from Our Mothers and Grandmothers? This post is not a separate conversation. It is the voice that rises after we finally recognise what generations of women have been silently carrying.

We girls are introduced to forgetting ourselves so early that, after a while, it no longer feels like sacrifice. It feels normal.

We watch the women before us eat after everyone else, rest after everyone else and think about themselves only after every other need in the house has been fulfilled. We learn to adjust before we even understand what adjustment means. We learn to lower our voices, swallow our disappointment and smile at decisions in which nobody thought it necessary to include us.

And slowly, quietly, we become women who take a back seat in our own lives.

The Invisible Training Begins Early

A girl is often praised for being obedient, accommodating and mature beyond her years. She is taught how to serve, how to compromise and how to keep relationships together. But how often is she taught to express an opinion without fear? How often is she told that her dreams deserve space too?

When an important family decision is being made, the men may sit in the main room and discuss money, property, careers or the future. The women may be expected to prepare tea, serve snacks and stay away from the “main business.”

If a woman gives her opinion, she is interfering.

If she asks questions, she is argumentative.

If she disagrees, she is disrespectful.

If she stays quiet, she is considered a good woman.

What a strange definition of goodness—one that requires a woman to disappear.

Running the Household Like a Robot

The responsibility of running a home is so naturally placed on women that people often stop seeing it as work.

Remembering everyone’s needs. Planning meals. Managing children. Caring for elders. Keeping track of school, medicine, groceries, clothes, guests, festivals and emotions. Making sure the home functions smoothly, without creating drama and without losing control.

She must be tired but pleasant.

Overwhelmed but available.

Hurt but composed.

Angry but silent.

She is expected to work like a robot, but unlike a robot, she feels every unspoken word, every ignored effort and every decision made without her.

Then one day, she asks for a little time, a little help or a little respect—and suddenly everyone wonders why she has changed.

Maybe she has not changed. Maybe she has simply become tired of being treated as if she does not exist beyond what she does for others.

The Plea We Carry in Silence

Somewhere inside, many women are quietly pleading:

I matter too.

My opinion matters too.

My decision matters too.

My dreams matter too.

My tiredness matters too.

My happiness matters too.

My “no” matters.

And my “yes” matters too.

This should not have to be a plea. It should be a basic truth. Yet many women still spend years waiting for permission to believe it.

Is This Really the Twenty-First Century?

I may sound as though I am writing about the eighteenth century, but this is the truth of the twenty-first century for countless women.

Technology has changed. Houses have changed. Education has changed. Women now work in offices, run businesses, manage teams and contribute financially. But inside many homes, the old rules remain quietly alive.

A woman may earn, but not decide.

She may manage an entire workplace, but still need approval for the smallest choice concerning her own life.

She may be educated, intelligent and capable, yet be told, “You do not understand these matters.”

And when she finally gathers the courage to say, “I matter too,” she may face consequences—not only from society, but sometimes from the very family she has spent her life holding together.

She may be called selfish. Difficult. Rebellious. Ungrateful. A bad wife. A bad daughter. A bad mother.

Why? Because a woman who knows her worth is harder to silence.

Taking a Stand Does Not Mean Breaking a Home

We have been made to believe that when a woman speaks for herself, she is disturbing the peace. But peace built on one person’s silence is not peace. It is suppression.

Taking a stand does not always mean shouting, fighting or walking away. Sometimes it begins with one calm sentence:

“Please ask for my opinion too.”

“I cannot do everything alone.”

“I do not agree.”

“I need time for myself.”

“No.”

These are not dramatic statements. They are boundaries. They are signs that a woman has finally started including herself in the life she works so hard to build for everyone else.

To Every Woman Reading This

Please take a stand for yourself.

Not because you want to fight with everyone, but because you deserve to live as a complete human being—not merely as a role, a duty or a service available to the family.

Speak, even if your voice shakes. Share your opinion, even if people are not used to hearing it. Ask for help. Say no when you mean no. Say yes when the choice is truly yours.

You do not have to abandon your family to stop abandoning yourself.

You matter too.

To Every Man Reading This

Please do not decide a woman’s worth according to how quietly she serves you, how much she tolerates or how rarely she disagrees.

Respect the women in your life the way they deserve to be respected—not merely the way you assume is enough.

Invite them into the conversation. Listen without becoming defensive. Share the responsibilities they have been carrying silently. Honour their “no.” Respect their “yes.” And never make them pay a price for having a voice.

A happy family is not one in which the woman remains silent. It is one in which every person feels heard, valued and respected.

So today, let us stop asking women to become smaller just to keep everyone else comfortable.

Let us teach our daughters what many of our mothers and grandmothers were never allowed to believe:

I matter. My voice matters. My choices matter. I do not need to disappear to prove that I love my family.

And if nobody has told you this lately, let me remind you once again...

You matter too.

Soniya

#Claimyourselfagain

#emotionalwellbeing

#Imattertoo