How to fix a almost broken marriage

We have been married from last 10 years and like any other marriage we have sustained through lows and highs of this institution. As they say opposite attracts, my husband was exactly opposite of what I was. These differences looked cute, in the beginning, not really cute in the middle and ended in 'why are you like this?'

We all go through this phase when your partner seems to be from other world....not ready to understand you. Some of us can not tolerate the strange behavior which wasn't strange during first few years and break their marriage only to repent and realize... he/she wasn't that bad.

However some lose all hopes of reconciliation, still living together just like tracks of train....parallel to each other...never meeting in the end....because of the responsibility of kids on their tracks just like compartments. 

I was in the second category until one day I carefully observed my husband and looked for what all he have got...I was astonished....thinking this guy had always been the same...had the same personality for which I had fallen once.

I retrospected myself..... was so ashamed to say that the person I had been hating all this while changed his habits according to me and on the contrary I changed my habits influenced by his previous persona. The result...what I liked in me I couldn't stand in him and the vice versa.

How often it happens in a marriage that after spending few decades together we tend to copy each other's traits which is quite normal. We try to change few things out of love and compassion while some other change automatically because of the companionship. The only thing that we don't do is.... to appreciate each other during the process. 

This pandemic has proven to be a blessing for some couples who have been thinking of separation. Work from home, no school, no guests and limited activities actually have given them a chance to see each other from another perspective and most importantly ....gave them time to understand each other. 

We are living in an era where both men and women are equally responsible for running an household. They both are bread winners and both run errands. They both are equally educated and skilled. They both have their own  ego and self respect. 

Rather than supporting each other, we get into tug of war to prove who's the boss. This is where the power game starts which becomes blame game and finally survival of the fittest game. 

So what I have learnt from my experience, relationships always need time....even after spending many years together. The couples need time:

• time to grow through the atrocities of life....
• time to nurture....
• time to overcome situations....
• time to learn from each other....
• time to sustain family pressures....
• time to get used to each other.

We are not robots we are human beings. God has made us different from its other creatures. We are not only blessed with having a brain in our head and a heart in our chest but we have been given wisdom to use these two organs. Early man used this wisdom to survive while modern human uses this wisdom to sustain.

Give your relationships the much needed time. Plan out different things around them like doing the house chores together, helping kids with their projects, having a  gym membership together or just a evening walk together where you can have a light conversation and a healthy discussion.

Find someone like a common friend or a family member to bridge the gap between you two. Trust me if you are honest in your relationship, you won't need a middleman to sort out your issues.

Still need help, visit my page on fb and ping me for a good advice on relationships.

My fb page: https://www.facebook.com/AskSoniya9081

Goodluck with your relationship!!!